‘Hong Kongers don’t need to be worried’, repeatedly chant 1 million Uyghur camp prisoners

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Following an international outcry about the imposition of a controversial security law over Hong Kong, the Chinese government has tried to calm tension by getting all the Uyghur inmates in concentration camps to tell the world how lovely the PRC’s legal system is.

Fǔbài Xiōngshǒu, the Politburo Standing Committee Envoy for Re-education in the Xinjiang region, told authorised reporters that all the Uyghur prisoners spontaneously ceased their self-criticism sessions to monotonously chant about why Hong Kong would be fine.

He went on, “The Western press love to criticise our peaceful and harmonious nation by making out like there is something sinister about a law stating that anyone in Hong Kong can be grabbed off the street and sent to the PRC to face a life sentence for vaguely defined sedition.

“But if that was true, why would all the people we sent to prison for being Muslim support this law?”

Fǔbài Xiōngshǒu explained that most of the criticism about the effective end of civil liberties in Hong Kong was anti-Chinese propaganda.

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“Despite what its enemies claim, China is not a ruthless dictatorship that crushes all dissent.

“The Chinese people are free to express their views on the few Internet platforms we authorise behind the Great Firewall. Just ask any of the trembling prisoners whom we just disappeared over the last year.

“Although you might want to not ask the women as they might be a bit skittish after their totally voluntary sterilisation that required them to be severely beaten then strapped down.”

Several detainees who would not look up confirmed that Hong Kongers would keep the right to express themselves as long as they don’t commit treason or post those amusing photos of Xi Jinping compared to Winnie the Pooh that got the entire franchise banned in China.