Thursday 25 June 2020 by Dan Sweryt

Everyone expecting Liverpool supporters to be magnanimous in victory


Liverpool to win the league

Liverpool FC fans are expected to be magnanimous when finally tying up the Premier League title either tonight or possibly in the next game.

Despite not winning the top division title for 30 years, they have won many cups in that time, including arguably the top trophy – the Champions’ League – twice, both times resulting in an aura of unbearability and smugness that resulted in UEFA threatening to ban them.

Fans of every single other club in the country, Simon Williams, said, “As we know, Liverpool fans are terrible losers, which is fair enough.

“But fans of all other clubs know – you know, the ones who never win anything and have only won, like, the third division title once in 125 years and nothing else – that without a shadow of a doubt, those self-same supporters are even worse and less palatable when winning.

“The expectation this time is that each and every one of them will be magnanimous, saying things like ‘Oh, it was nothing really’, ‘Don’t worry, mate – I’m sure you’ll have just as good a chance as us next year’ and perhaps ‘Well, next year, you’ve as good a chance as any’.

“However, there is just as much chance that we will have to suffer the usual: all of them telling you they are the best, your team are shit, singing that old Tina Turner song that is actually more recent than their last title triumph, making up new, sickening lyrics to an old song claiming ‘It’s Coming Home’ despite having never actually won the Premier League ever before and someone still moaning on 6-0-6 that Klopp just isn’t good enough.

“Thus, it may be prudent to constantly remind them that they have as many Premier League titles as Blackburn Rovers and Leicester.”

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