Strictly stars to be limited to three affairs as shorter series announced

author avatar by 4 years ago

The BBC has announced that due to coronavirus Strictly Come Dancing 2020 will be a slightly shorter series to prevent excessive intimate mingling among contestants.

Coronavirus has had a profound impact on British society. Months of difficult isolation, economic catastrophe and over forty thousand deaths to date.

But things are about to get serious.

The BBC has started to reveal how its autumn Entertainment schedule will be impacted by Covid.

“We’ve had to cancel The Apprentice completely,” said BBC Head of Social Distancing Simon Williams.

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“We’ll never be able to keep that bunch of young idiots in a single house and at a safe distance from each other. If they’re not fighting then they’re having competitions to see who’s the best at angry sex. It’s just not a safe environment.

“Strictly will go ahead but with a reduced number of episodes. Physical intimacy is obviously a fundamental part of the programme – it just wouldn’t be the same without a bit of philandering.

“However, each participant will only be allowed to shag up to three of their fellow dancers. I know audiences will be disappointed but it’s just one of the many sacrifices people have to make during this most difficult of years.

“Hopefully we’ll bounce back in 2021 with an extra helping of marital destruction.”

Sadly, Strictly isn’t the only part of the weekend schedule to be affected.

“Songs of Praise won’t be happening,” said Mr Williams. “Not because of the dangers of busy congregations but because the show after-parties inevitably degenerate into massive fuck-fests.”