Airplane banners the latest weapon in lifting the taboo on micropenises

author avatar by 4 years ago

The use of banner messages towed by light aircraft has undergone a revival of late as many men have used the old-timey advertising method to inform the world that they would no longer hide the fact they were hung like a refrigerated dormouse.

Jake Hepple, a Burnley supporter with the genital package of a 20-week fetus, was one of many brave souls to hire airplane banners in the hope that society will become more accepting of men who look like they have a small mushroom stuck in their pubes.

Speaking from his bunk in a Burnley halfway house, Mr Hepple explained why he decided to tell a whole stadium and millions of television viewer that he has less sexual potency than a spayed marmoset.

“I was always terrified people would find out I had a microdick, or that I can’t tell right from left. But no more! I may be a friendless racist who has never accomplished anything, but I will no longer stuff a sock down my skegs just to fit in with all the other guys taking a mandatory drug test.

“I used all the compo money I got from claiming injuries from loose paving stones and hired a plane. I was inspired by an American fellow micro-jake hepplewilly who came out using a Confederate flag flying over a NASCAR race.”

Although the way of announcement his condition seems anachronistic, it seems Mr Hepple’s strategy paid off as by morning most of the nation agreed he must have a shockingly microscopic wang.

The airplane company that flew the banner was not available for comment as they had just managed to spectacularly fuck themselves out of business.