K-pop fans invited to Camp David in hope they’ll allow Donald Trump to hold less embarrassing rallies

author avatar by 4 years ago

Following a humiliating flop in Tulsa, the Trump campaign has declared that it will formally enter into negotiations with the newest political power player in Washington, teenage aficionados of South Korean pop bands with names like 2NE1 and EXO.

Simon Williams, a Republican political strategist, said that the invitation to Camp David was an olive branch from the GOP to pubescent minors who had successfully turned his president’s latest rally into a sad joke.

“We respect power and K-pop stans are a force to be reckoned with. Like it or not, they have been destroying our attempts to create trends on social media and have even taken down a Texas police snitch website.

“We would like them to come to Camp David and present their demands. We have redlines, but if they allow us to hold mass rallies of fat people wearing red caps and cretinous T-shirts with pictures of guns on them, then we think we can help them. Maybe we could change the national anthem to ‘Fake Love’ by BTS?”

In Bordeaux, 15-year-old Amelie Tinoque, a respected authority in the K-pop fan world, told reporters that she would continue sabotaging populist demagogues.

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She told us, “What made you think teenage girls would want to go to an isolated cabin with a grotesque sexual predator?

“We can’t vote but we can, and will, make his wannabe Nuremberg rallies look like a wedding reception at 3 am when everyone’s gone home except for the drunk and the desperate and the racist uncle has discovered out to work the mic.

“Now sit down as I spend the next two hours telling you why Jimin is so much cuter than Jungkook especially now he dyed his hair blue.”

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