Tuesday 16 June 2020 by Mark Molloy

Government reveals it preferred when footballers were not ‘doing their bit’ after all


Matt Hancock on footballers doing their bit

The government has revealed today that with the benefit of hindsight it much preferred when high profile footballers were not ‘doing their bit’ as previously requested by Health Secretary Matt Hancock.

As Premier League star Marcus Rashford continues his efforts today to persuade the government to make a u-turn on their decision not to provide meal vouchers for vulnerable children over the summer, senior Tory MP’s have now revealed that they actually wish footballers wouldn’t do their bit after all.

A spokesman for number 10 told us, “We appreciate that we have previously called on Premier League footballers to do their bit during the coronavirus, particularly during the current lockdown.

“But we didn’t mean to actually start using their platform to highlight extreme levels of social injustice in society and then trying to make us provide food for thousands of desperate hungry children every day.

“We just wanted them to take a big pay cut and stay quiet so we could deflect some of the attention away from us at the time. Was that too much to ask for?

“That’s why we have decided that going forward we do not want footballers to ‘doing their bit’ for the country, or protesters for that matter, they are just as bad. It just makes a lot of extra work for us, and more importantly, costs us more money.”

Asked if there is any likelihood that the government will make a U-turn on this decision we were told, “Obviously – like everything else in the last six months, but not for a day or two yet”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt here!

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