Uppity Civil Rights campaigner, Martin Luther King, would most likely be fit and walking around today were it not for the late-onset diabetes that ravaged the 39-year-old gun victim’s body.
Memphis City Coroner, Chuck Williams, today produced “evidence” that King’s chances of surviving the bullet that smashed through his cheek and severed his jugular vein, were reduced by his penchant for jerk chicken and a heavy side order of carbs in the form of Uncle Ben’s rice.
Experts now believe that a racist’s bullet was only one of a number of co-morbidities that prompted King’s premature demise, with heavy emphasis being placed on high blood sugar levels that caused him to sweat more than Alexander O’ Neal.
The news comes just hours after it was reported that supposedly black US citizen, George Floyd, may actually have died of coronary artery disease rather than a build-up of knee to the windpipe.
Indeed, recently recovered extracts from a draft of Mr Luther King’s 1963 “I have a dream” speech reveal that the preacher also had a dream of achieving his ideal weight through a rigorous program of exercise and sensible dietary measures.
A heavily edited version of King’s awe-inspiring oration, released today by White Power activists within CNN, suggests the good reverend had set his sights on the “promised land” of ten thousand steps per day aimed at promoting an “awesome cardio profile”.
Furthermore, King had warned his supporters that “I may not get there with you”, and that perhaps seven thousand was a more realistic target given the excessive demands the movement was placing on his time.
Irish singer songwriter, Bono added, “Jeesh, if someone had told me at the time that MLK had brought all of this upon himself, I’d have never written that shite song about him.
“So I wouldn’t.”