Saturday 30 May 2020

Visit to friend’s garden slightly spoiled by ill-fitting adult diaper


Man wearing adult diapers to garden party

As lockdown measures begin to ease, some of those lucky enough to visit friends have spoken of an experience slightly ruined by wearing the wrong size adult diaper while in their gardens.

As groups of six friends prepare to gather, there are warnings from those who have trialled the new measures.

Simon Williams told us, “We all recognise the rules are there to protect us from Coronavirus, so that means social distancing, masks if possible, and absolutely no using the toilet of whoever you visit. At all.

“So obviously adult nappies are the only solution – because I follow the rules, I’m not Dominic Cummings. And clearly we’re not fucking animals about to go shitting and pissing in the garden.

“The thing is, as a 35-year-old man, I haven’t worn nappies for approximately 33 years, so getting the right size has proven difficult.

“I fear I’ve gone for a size a little too small, as it’s digging in around the waist, and there’s not much room in the rear – which is a problem because Sharon and I had a curry last night and I’ve just deposited the mother of all loads into the of this one.

“It’s warm right now, so not that uncomfortable, but when it cools down, well, that’s not going to be pleasant. And obviously I can’t sit down, I’m not sure the seals could take that sort of pressure.

“On the plus side, there’s no leakage yet, so I can keep these shorts once I’m changed and clean. I watched a YouTube clip on how to to change a nappy, so I’m confident I’ll get it right.

“Though I’m not sure how happy Sharon will be to see me using her new picnic blanket as a changing mat.”

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