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A man spotted buying 24 burgers, 2 trays of chicken, 18 pork chops, 20 lamb skewers and 3 bags of charcoal is insisting today that he was just buying a few provisions for a small intimate barbecue for immediate family only, on Monday, when the ban on such gatherings is lifted.
Simon Williams, a 40-year-old builder from Essex, who also had three crates of beer in his trolly told us, “Yeah, I’m just having a really tiny barbecue with a maximum of six people, just like Boris told us.
“I’m definitely not going to do it this weekend either, especially not when it’s the weather is going to be fucking glorious right through until Suday night and I have absolutely nothing else to do.
“I just wanted to get a few things in ready your know, for Monday, when we are officially allowed to do the thing that I will be doing on Monday.
“Yep, on Monday afternoon and early evening we are all – all six of us – going to sit at least two meters apart in the back yard of my terraced house so it will be fine, and there will only be myself, the missus, and four other family members we haven’t seen for two months. I promise. We just get really hungry.”
Asked about the trays of fresh chicken in his trolly which go out of date by Sunday he told us, “Alright alright, fuck me – who are you, Columbo?
“OK so there’s about 30 of us and we are doing it tomorrow. Satisfied? Wohoooooo! Party!”
