Gatherings of six people will be allowed next week so the occupants of the Rainbow household are planning to invite a few of their musician mates around and get absolutely leathered.
“Finally, a bit of excitement after ten weeks stuck in the house with those two boring fuckers!” said extrovert Zippy, referring to housemates George and Bungle.
“I just want a laugh and a bit of bantz. That stupid hippo now only speaks using words of one syllable and Bungle spends all his time in his bedroom by himself.
“So I’m gonna fire up the barbie, tell the guys to bring their guitars over and we’ll have ourselves a bit of fucking FUN!”
Introvert George said, “I’m just hoping Rod, Jane and Freddy’s music will be loud enough to drown out that bright yellow twat.
“If it wasn’t for that bastard I think I’d have actually quite enjoyed lockdown. But he’s always in my face – ‘What you reading? Going for a walk? I’ll come too!’
“At least next week he can irritate Rod and Freddy for a bit. I doubt Jane will go near him after that time he claimed he thought the back of her dress was his mouth.”
Meanwhile, Bungle has been trying to stay out of everyone’s way.
“There’s a lot of sexual tension between Zippy and George,” he said. “Not having genitals can’t help – they just get angrier and angrier.
“But lockdown’s been really good for me. I took Geoffrey’s death very badly and made some poor decisions. However, I’m now six weeks clean after being forced into doing cold turkey.”
Rod, Jane and Freddy are just looking forward to gigging again.
“The Rainbow garden’s not exactly Glastonbury but a gig’s a gig,” said Jane.
“We’ll probably start off with a few of the classics – stuff like ‘Da dee da dee dum dum’ and ‘The Wobbling Song.’
“But I’ve written some new stuff that I’m keen to share – it’s all about the difficulties of living with two blokes during a prolonged lockdown.
“I’ll probably play, ‘That’s not where the fucking tea towel lives,’ ‘Stop humming or I’ll stick this fork in your eye’ and what I’m hoping will be the next single, ‘If you have to wank into the sink at least give it a wipe round afterwards’.”