Friday 29 May 2020 by Chris Ballard

Boris Johnson bans political subjects from Prime Minister’s Questions


Boris bans political questions

The Prime Minister is banning politics from PMQs in order to prevent ‘unfair’ lines of questioning.

At yesterday’s coronavirus press briefing Boris Johnson was forced to intervene to prevent his scientific and medical advisers answering ‘political’ questions about whether Dominic Cummings breached the rules of lockdown.

This sort of thing is a dangerous step towards political accountability – a trend that Boris is keen to nip in the bud as soon as possible.

“From now on, politics will be kept out of the House of Commons,” he explained.

“PMQs, in particular, should be completely free from the sort of political spiff-spaff the public is fed up with and has absolutely no interest in.

“So no questions about me or my work. Once I’ve done something political, we need to draw a line under it and move on. After all, I’m the Prime Minister and as such everything I do is extremely political.

“The economy? Political.

“Our response to coronavirus? Political.

“The fact that government advisers are allowed to operate outside the law, a phenomenon which highlights the appalling privileges enjoyed by the ruling elite? Jolly political indeed!

“The Leader of the Opposition can limit his questions to the weather, holidays, have you seen any good films recently – you know, polite barbershop style chitchat.”

In completely unrelated news, Chief Medical Officer Professor Chris Whitty and Chief Scientific Adviser Sir Patrick Vallance will now both be permanently wearing face masks.

“It’s obviously because of the coronavirus,” explained Boris. “They’re both keen to adopt best practice wherever possible.”

“Mmph, mmph, mmph,” said the experts.

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt!

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