Epidemiologists to tell plumbers and taxi drivers how to do their jobs for a change

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Virologists and Epidemiologists have begun telling builders, crystal therapists and newspaper columnists that they’re idiots who haven’t a clue how to do their jobs, according to reports today.

The development was first noticed by several prominent newspaper and television personalities, after scientists started coming round to their homes and telling them they were using a keyboard and microphone wrong and saying they were stupid.

Plumber Simon Williams, 47, was ‘outraged’ after a lab technician in a white coat rocked up and said he didn’t know what he was doing and doesn’t have a clue about commissioning.

“He said I was in the pay of ‘big boiler’ and gas leaks only exist in my imagination,”  Williams told us.

“He told me that he reckons most people have had carbon monoxide poisoning and it’s probably not as bad as I keep telling people.”

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Meanwhile, taxi driver William Simons was left fuming after ‘a man with an autoclave and a phD in Molecular Medical Virology’ got into the back of his cab and said cabbies don’t know how to drive before holding up several diagrams off the Internet on how to operate a manual transmission.

He told us, “I spent years learning all the roads around here, and then this bloke says he’s read something online saying I don’t know what I’m doing and he’s shared it all over his Facebook page.

“He said he can’t drive a car himself but he reckons he’d do a better job behind the wheel than I do.”

“What sort of absolute wanker says something like that?”

This article first appeared on our German partner site Der Postillon, you can read the original here.