Wednesday 20 May 2020 by Arabin Patson

Man who can’t distinguish between ‘you’re’ and ‘your’ adamant that Cambridge’s decision to go online is a mistake


man angry at cambridge going online until 2021

A man who frequently gets induced into a blind rage by people pointing out his atrocious spelling on Facebook has developed oddly strong opinions about the pedagogical merit of Cambridge University’s decision not to have face-to-face classes until 2021.

Simon Williams, an estate agent and Tory voter, was left furious that one of the UK’s elite universities had taken an approach to teaching that he disagreed with.

He told us, “Just because my children refuse to let me help with their homework anymore since their teacher had a word with them, does not mean I can’t recognise that Cambridge students will not be able to learn their stuff over the internet.

“It’s cowardly and I don’t even really believe the coronavirus is that serious. This will have serious consequences in 20 years time when the next generation of British politicians won’t have the skills to lead us as well as they do now.”

However, Amanda Tinnock, the Research Editor for the Times Educational Supplement, stated that it was unlikely a couple of terms doing Zoom classes would have much impact on the nation’s future leaders

She told us, “People always think Oxbridge types are geniuses – until they meet one.

“Frankly, once they are in, Cambridge students don’t really do much until graduation. They hardly go to lectures and their weekly tutorial is basically there to ensure they haven’t drowned in a drunken punting incident.

“It’s basically a networking society for posh kids who like to wear gowns when they get bladdered on free wine.

“Think Hogwarts, but without the magic and more rugger buggers called Hugh doing too much coke and claiming MI6 approached them but they turned it down because they have political ambitions.”

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