Tuesday 5 May 2020 by Dan Sweryt

Love Island 2020 cancelled as producers realise contestants can’t shag whilst 2m apart


Love island cancelled until 2021

Producers of ITV2’s ironically classified intellectual property, Love Island, have cancelled 2020’s series after it became clear that the contestants would be unable to fuck whilst keeping 2m apart.

The production team considered running the series with the ‘boys’ and ‘girls’ wearing full PPE, including masks and NHS-like scrubs, but it was considered possibly less sexy if both teams look like the extraction unit from E.T. Though the girls have suggested that full plastic face visors would be useful for the series in general.

Desperate wannabe, Christopher James, who works out and has a GCSE and a massive schlong, told us, “I’m gutted, as I was due to be on the show this year, because I passed their interview of having a six-pack and really liking shagging.

“I couldn’t wait to lounge around in the sun risking all manner of skin cancers whilst muttering utterly inane jibber-jabber that would bore a tortoise to death.

“But now I can’t get my hands on any booty, it’s likely that I’ll instead end up in prison on sexual assault charges instead, whilst my lawyer tells the judge I should be let off because of my child-like IQ.”

Love Island will, unfortunately, return in 2021 to entertain those who haven’t heard about quality original content on Netflix.

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