Monday 13 January 2020 by Davytoast

Gwyneth Paltrow to sell Pot Pourri scented like her bumhole


Gwyneth Paltrow bumhole pot pouri

After the success of her minge-scented candle, Gwyneth Paltrow’s online store for people with more money than sense – Goop – has launched a line of Pot Pourri and air fresheners laced with the delicate scent of the actress’ chocolate balloon knot.

The orifice-scented range has proven an unexpected success, with a candle smelling like musty haddock flying off the shelves over the weekend – leading to an expansion of options including underboob sweat bath bombs and eau de toejam parfum.

However, it is the bags of Pot Pourri which has both the shape and bouquet of the Hollywood Star’s dangleberries which is expected to really attract devotees of phoney health goods.

“If there’s a smell which both lifts and freshens a room, it’s Gwyneth’s starfish,” said Goop head of product development Simon-Yves Guilliames.

“People who shop through Goop have had their noses jammed right up her cleft for years and not complained so it’s obviously an odour they relish, appreciate and just plain can’t get enough of.

“We’re planning to launch human centipede-themed spa experiences next month when people will be able to get the full Paltrow experience at an extremely exclusive price.

“We’re already fully booked for almost eighteen months.”

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