Monday 6 January 2020 by Gary Stanton

Iran latest: Dominic Raab orders the entire Royal Navy to the South Atlantic


dominic raab sends fleet nowhere near Iran

Dominic Raab has sent the mullahs in Iran a clear message by sending the Royal Navy four-thousand miles in the wrong direction.

The off-course Foreign Secretary responded to Iran’s threats against Western interests by hastily dispatching Britain’s entire naval fleet – consisting of three rusty frigates and a destroyer.

Raab’s decision will send shockwaves across the states of the Middle East, whose leaders are unaccustomed to being threatened with poorly maintained naval vessels coursing through the choppy waters off Argentina on the other side of the world.

The Foreign Secretary was ridiculed last year following his admission that he didn’t know how important the Dover-Calais route was to the international cheese trade.

Contrary to all available evidence, he now insists he is up-to-speed with the relative positions of countries on the globe after being handed a Collins World Atlas on his first day in the job.

Yet Mr Raab angered his critics further today by revealing on the Andrew Marr show that he thought the “Strait of Hormuz” was a well-known Iranian heterosexual who lived in a predominantly gay district.

To add to the confusion, following Donald Trump’s provocative strike against Iran’s General Soleimani, Raab revealed he had spoken at great length with his counterpart on Bolivia.

As tension in the Gulf escalates, Mr Raab has warned UK citizens that they should pack up their belongings and leave Finland as quickly as possible.

Naval commander, Simon Williams, added, “This is a bold move by our Foreign Secretary, which sends an unambiguous message to degenerate sponsors of terrorism like Iran.

“However, that message is: I got an “F” grade at GCSE Geography and I don’t know where the fuck anything is.”

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