Donald Trump’s Iran strategy in tatters as 3,000 recently-deployed troops all develop bone spurs

author avatar by 4 years ago

Donald Trump’s plan to counter escalating tensions in the Middle East is in disarray today after the 3,000 troops scheduled to be sent to the region all developed bone spurs overnight.

White House officials said injuries on such a scale were unprecedented, but that the President had no choice but to acknowledge the painful condition would prevent the soldiers going to the front line.

As one source told us, “Yes, Donald Trump ran for president on a campaign of bringing our soldiers home, and here he is trying to send thousands more to the middle east, and yes, he avoided a call up to the frontline himself due to bone spurs, but I really think you’re reading too much into this.

“One thing we do know about bone spurs is that the recovery is extremely quick, in fact we expect the soldiers to be back up and fighting fit the very moment we no longer need them. The President himself explained they are unlikely to see any ill-effects ever again.”

Meanwhile, MAGA-hat wearing supporters of the Trump regime continue to insist that the assassination of Qasem Soleimani was entirely necessary because of his long track record of doing very evil things, despite not knowing who he was three days ago.

Chuck Williams told us, “You don’t mess with the USA, even if I didn’t know who you were or how you were messing with us. Let this be a lesson to all the bad guys we’ve never heard of doing things I don’t know about! U-S-A!

“This President will keep killing D-list bad guys until everyone agrees he’s done something as good as Obama getting Bin Laden.

“Yes, this could go on for a while.”