Tuesday 29 October 2019 by Gary Stanton

Turkeys to vote for early Christmas


Jeremy Corbyn voting for election

Left-wing turkeys are to throw their considerable weight behind an early festive season, beginning on the 12th of December.

Normally, Christmas dinners must receive the support of turkeys before they can go ahead, but the naive, bloated idiots had blocked the festive meal three times after failing to receive assurances that they wouldn’t be herded into ovens and served up with a piquant cranberry sauce.

Lead turkey, Feathery Corbyn, 70, said his condition of taking the plates off the table had now been met and he was in no way worried about a resurgence of nationalist roast potatoes and racist figgy pudding, whatever the fuck that might look like.

“I’m willing to stick my long, purple neck out and fight the most radical campaign ever,” he told reporters.

“We’ve had ten years of Tory austerity Christmases falling on the correct date, an increase in snot-nosed orphans pushing their faces against frost-covered window panes and other improbable-sounding shit which I’m desperately trying to link in.”

“Gobble gobble… end student debt.. gobble gobble.. cancel the Third World..gobble gobble .. fuck the Jews and Wirral Grammar School.”

Corbyn is expected to receive the backing of centrist geese and Scottish ducks, who are busy fattening themselves up on the promise of a few extra seats and dinner round at Luciana Berger’s.

Duck, Nicola Sturgeon-Mallard, said, “Quack, quack, quaaaaaaaaack, quack quack, quack-quack ya wee English bastard!”

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