Tuesday 29 October 2019

General election will definitely sort everything out, insists voter seemingly unaware what happened last time


General election just what we need

A general election is just what this country needs, according to a voter who seems to have completely forgotten what happened when we had one two years ago.

As parliament looks set to confirm a pre-Christmas general election, borderline simpletons everywhere have welcomed it enthusiastically.

“I couldn’t be happier. The country needs a say, and it will give power to who it thinks should take this country forward,” said pathetically optimistic voter Simon Williams today.

“I for one am delighted that we’ll be able to have our democratic say and finally point this country back in the right direction.

“There are clearly no circumstances in which a general election held while the country is fiercely divided could lead to parliamentary paralysis and years of stagnation.  It’s simply not possible.

“I look forward to reviewing the promises of the potential MPs, and deciding where to cast my vote based on the facts placed before me – just like every other voter will be doing.”

“Oh my poor sweet deluded boy,” explained Simon’s wife, Emily.

“I adore the way he looks at the world, but clearly he’s a fucking idiot. This election will merely hand power to whichever side tells the most effective lies and manipulates social media audiences most efficiently.

“Let’s be honest, we all know what’s going to happen. Boris will end up back in number 10 by giving a top to job to Nigel Farage to secure his parliamentary majority, and the country leaving the EU with no deal at the end of January.

“Worse than that, we’ll fucking deserve it.”

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