The government is not about to let people vote if they’re unlikely to vote Conservative.
Following proposed amendments that would allow 16-year-olds and EU citizens to vote in the next election, No. 10 has made it clear that those particular demographics shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a polling booth.
“Have you ever met a Tory 16-year-old? Of course not. It’s a mental idea,” confirmed government spokesperson, Simon Williams.
“The only Tory 16-year-old in British history was William Hague, and it’s not like there’s been another one of him since.
“As for EU citizens, give over. We’ve spent the last three years enabling a culture of alienation toward them. We’re not about to give them a clear shot at revenge.
“If 16-year-olds and EU citizens are allowed to vote then the election is off for a good six months so that we can get Stormzy, Ed Sheeran and whoever else 16-year-olds are into these days onside.”
16-year-old, Jay Cooper, said “Yeah I’ll do a vote, why not.
“Simon’s right, though. I’m not about to vote Conservative. I’m still young enough to care what people think of me.”