Brexit 50p pieces to be melted down by casting them into the fires of Mount Doom

author avatar by 4 years ago
NewsThump Needs Your Help

The Royal Mint has confirmed coins bearing the incorrect Brexit date can only be destroyed by casting them into the fires of Mount Doom in order to prevent a second darkness spreading over the land.

The coins, whose forging came about by trickery from dark forces, bore the legend “Three million coins for mortal men doomed to suffer a 6.4% reduction in GDP” and were widely believed to be indestructible.

“If people had heeded the Council of the Wise they wouldn’t have been forged in the first place, but a foulness in fair form slid into the land and poisoned people’s hearts via Facebook,” we were told.

“The coins could be cast into the sea or sent far away, but they would linger. Only the fires of Mount Doom can destroy them forever.”

Mark Francois – known as ‘stupid fat hobbit’ to his friends – is understood to be in a state of despair that the UK will not be leaving the EU on the 31st of October as Boris Johnson promised him, despite having been warned that Johnson is both tricksy and false.

NewsThump best selling notebooks

“Master tricked us!”, he told reporters, clutching the shiny metal disc that represents the focus of his life these long years past.

“Filthy little remainers. They stole it from us,” he said, before adding that he would not always seek his precious and never give it up no matter what the consequences.

When asked, Jeremy Corbyn the Grey said that BREXIT SHALL NOT PASS – unless it is under a Labour government and subject to a confirmatory referendum when it would be totally fine.