Climate protesters in central London have confirmed they won’t be happy until they’ve made every single Londoner late for work and everyone hates them.
Extinction Rebellion vowed this morning to move heaven and earth to strand commuters at major transit hubs and bring traffic to a standstill in their efforts to win popular support for their cause.
“The purpose of mass protest is to raise awareness of a problem and win over the wider population to your point of view,” said protester Simon Williams, 27.
“I don’t happen to live in London myself, but I think the best way to make people sympathetic to our cause is by making sure they’re stuck at a tube station for forty minutes when they just want to get to work because they might get fired if they don’t.
“Obviously, systems of mass public transport are absolutely the ones we want to disrupt to help spread our agenda, and in so doing alienate the people who are trying to use them.
“We’re confident that within weeks we’ll have converted everyone in the greater metropolitan area with our winning tactics of immobilising the tube network during rush hour, shutting down the main stations and leaving crap lying around everywhere for someone else to pick up before fucking off home.”
“If there’s anyone we’ve missed, let us know and we’ll come round and let your tyres down”, he added.
Commuter Kevin Matthews told us, “I heard about the problems on the Tube this morning, so I drove to work in my diesel 4×4 instead – I guess this means they’ve won?”