Monday 23 September 2019 by Gary Stanton

Britons stranded abroad by Thomas Cook collapse reminded ‘we survived Dunkirk’


old lady reminding you we survived Dunkirk

Butthurt Britons stranded in foreign lands by the collapse of Thomas Cook have been told by Brexit voters that if we can rescue an entire army from Dunkirk, this ought to be a piece of piss.

People currently holidaying in warmer climes have been gently reminded that having their long-awaited annual break ruined is not so bad, and it’s not as if they’re being routinely strafed by the Luftwaffe.

The airline’s compulsory liquidation has triggered the biggest ever peacetime repatriation, similar to the one administered to the Windrush generation because we’re full innit?

And UK families are being urged to hunker down in various pleasant locations and to stay cheerful by singing patriotic songs about the bombing of Dresden.

Meanwhile, any Brits who fall sick while waiting to return to these shores can access free healthcare throughout the EU, but are advised not to be ill beyond October 31st.

Plans are already underway to send a flotilla of private boats from England’s lush south coast, depending on how choppy the water is; each of them captained by a weatherbeaten retiree in a chunky jumper with a number of deep-seated psychological issues that he’ll tell you about on the way back.

Stranded Briton, Simon Williams, currently holidaying in Ibiza, said, “I’ve been here so long, I’m thinking of applying for dual nationality.”

He added, “The comparisons with Dunkirk are entirely inappropriate.

“Back then, we were a nation isolated from the rest of the world, under siege from fascists with the prospect of widespread disorder and food rationing.

“Sorry, what was my point?”

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