Leaked documents have revealed that Boris Johnson is getting a bit bored with Elisabeth Windsor after she fell so easily to his lies and would love to get ‘some spry and naughty filly in Buckingham Palace’.
Internal documents from Number 10 show that the Prime Minister has instructed civil servants that, if he has to meet with her on a weekly basis, Boris Johnson would prefer “someone who can offer a challenge and be more of a prize when the chase is over”.
The documents also stated. “Number 10 is looking into ways to evolve the current relationship with the Crown. Although Her Majesty has proved extremely trusting, the PM feels their meetings present a lack of sport.
“Officials are instructed to explore ways to put a younger, more appealing Queen on the throne. The PM has mentioned that European monarchies such as Spain or the Netherlands have exactly the kind of saucy woman that he would enjoy convincing to prorogue parliament and show him what kind of French lace they hide under those long skirts.
“Potential candidates must be easy on the eye, not make a fuss about constitutional matters and not be a nagging nelly if somehow a child gets created.”
Number 10 has refused to comment on the contents of the leak but a spokesperson did answer questions on whether it could impact the prime minister’s relationship with Carrie Symonds.
“Ms Symonds knew what she was getting into when she started an affair with a married man whose wife had cancer. She knows the PM thinks there’s only so long you can enjoy a good prosecco after you’ve popped the cork.
“I’m sure she’ll understand when an intern finally tells her it’s over.”