Children’s TV icon Fireman Sam is being removed from a fire service’s promotional materials because his overt Welshness discourages potential applicants.
Lincolnshire Fire and Rescue Service is no longer going to use Fireman Sam as their mascot because they’ve received a number of complaints that his appalling Welshness is simply too off-putting.
“Sam just isn’t representative enough,” explained Fire Chief Simon Williams.
“His silly Welsh accent makes him sounds like a bumbling simpleton – this actively undermines the image we want to portray of firefighters as sexy calendar models.
“Similarly, his love of cake and telly – the consequence of existing in a country of permanent rain – is not conducive to the fitness levels we expect of our recruits.
“Being Welsh he’s also an inefficient firefighter. When he says, ‘I’ll be there now in a minute’ what he really means is that he’ll be on the scene in half an hour or so after which significant property and life will have been lost.
“That’s why we’re replacing this Welshman with a much more inspiring role-model – an inanimate fire extinguisher.”
Welsh spokesperson Dai the Talk said, ”This is ridic’lus. What’s wrong with you mun?
“Us Welsh make excellent firefighters because we’re so used to handling bloody awful, hellish conditions – just ask anyone who lives in Swansea.
“But if you don’t want him, fine!
“I’m not being funny but Sam wouldn’t want to save you bloody Sais from fires anyway. You can all bloody burn!
“I’m only saying, like.”