Friday 13 September 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Tories drawing up plans to blame last Labour government for post-Brexit shortages


Boris Johnson and Michael Gove

Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster and creepy oddball Michael Gove has revealed that the Tory Party are currently drawing up plans to deal with food and medicine shortages by blaming the previous Labour government for everything.

A strategy that served the Tory/Lib Dem coalition well, it is being repurposed for the expected post-Brexit shortages because the Government can’t be bothered to develop any plans to actually mitigate the problems described in the Yellowhammer report.

“We are well on track to have robust plans in place for blaming the last Labour government for all post-Brexit issues,” explained Mr Gove, using his weird lips.

“In the first week or two, as we see Kent turning into a car-park, we have a number of ministers primed to go on Nicky Campbell’s show and insist that if Gordon Brown had doubled the size of Kent then we wouldn’t be in this position.

“After several months, when people can’t buy fruit anymore, then we plan a huge campaign of leafleting to explain that if Tony Blair had changed the climate in Wales, we’d be able to grow our own oranges.”

The final part of the strategy would be a general election campaign.

“We’ll claim that the only party who can lead us out of the post-Brexit dystopia is the Tories as all Labour does is fritter away vast sums of money mitigating a global banking crisis.”

It is expected that the country is largely stupid enough to swallow it, and will vote the Tories in again.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: