Wednesday 11 September 2019 by Chris Ballard

Man fakes own death to avoid getting involved with school PTA


Man running away from the PTA

A parent has taken the elaborate step of pretending to die in order to wriggle out of any Parent-Teacher Association activities.

Simon William’s son Alfie had just started primary school.

After just a few days the kitchen bin was already full to the brim with PTA leaflets and Simon’s phone was constantly buzzing with WhatsApp messages asking for volunteers for various the fundraising activities being organised.

“No you don’t you bastards,” muttered Simon. “Not my precious free time. You’ll never take what little ‘me’ time I have left!”

The final straw came when he was invited out to a curry night with the ‘PTA dads’.

Feeling he had no other choice he wrote his family a letter explaining how he’d always love them.

He then drove to the sleepy coastal town of Broadstairs, left his clothes on the beach and eloped to Mexico City to start a new life.

Two months later, Simon – now living as Juan – was trying to make some cash betting on a dog fight when one of the other punters tapped him on the shoulder.

“Hello Simon,” said the man. “Little Alfie’s school needs money for iPads and we were really hoping you could help us.

“Don’t worry, we won’t tell the police about your faked death or your forged travel documents – if, that is, you agree to run the lucky dip at the Christmas fair.

“Don’t try anything stupid Simon – we have the building surrounded.

“With the PTA you can run but you can’t hide.”

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