A man who spunked his son’s inheritance money up the wall on worthless causes has been offered his dream role of Brexit Secretary.
Retired engineer, Derek Williams, insists the irresponsible fiscal outlay to fight a small speeding fine was “all about justice” and that he’s prepared to go to the European Court – except how’s that going to work?
Meanwhile, his talent for squandering valuable resources on issues that aren’t really a problem has been noticed in Westminster, where he has been offered a lucrative position doing more of the same, but on a much larger scale.
Williams claims he was wrongly clocked doing 35mph in a 30mph zone in which the unofficial speed limit is 40mph anyway, depending on the width of the pavements and the number of pedestrians around at the time.
The father of two maintains he had “no case to answer” and recruited the help of a video and electronics expert who told the court the speed camera may have been triggered by Muslims or just had issues with the known laws of physics.
The Crown Prosecution Service said the case involved a “multiplicity of issues”, which added to its length, the primary one being that Williams is clearly an insufferable bellend.
Last night, Williams, received backing from the Chancellor, Sajid Javid.
“Any gammon who can piss away £21,000 in barristers’ fees and £7,000 in court costs, should have no problem investing eighty million in a ferry company with no ferries.
“I’ve got another two billion earmarked for body bags without a proper lining.”
Williams was eventually victorious, adding, “In the end they backed down and offered me a Speed Awareness course.
“I’d definitely have been late for that if I hadn’t put my foot down.”