Nation that’s unable to keep the power on is exceedingly well-prepared for ‘No Deal’ Brexit

author avatar by 4 years ago

Once great nation Britain has been forced to admit that optimism is no substitute for a reliable electric current, this morning.

Across the UK, vehicles returning home narrowly avoided collisions at defeatist traffic lights, which gave in to Brussels the minute their power supply failed.

Many households also experienced severe blackouts after it emerged that modern devices such as fridges and laptops are ill-equipped to run on fresh fucking air.

The National Grid reported that the problem was caused by a huge surge in demand when twenty million people tuned in to a late afternoon episode of Come Dine With Me.

Regulator Ofgem has called for an urgent detailed report into what went wrong to be conducted by a panel of so-called experts.

It will then assess what can be done to avert future problems, such as not being wholly reliant on a Russian gangster regime for your electrons.

Hospitals and trains were also affected by the blackouts, and severely delayed passengers at London’s King’s Cross came worryingly close to talking to each other.

Commuter, Simon Williams, said, “A journey that normally takes three hours with electricity takes up to thirteen hours running on the Blitz spirit and faith in our sovereign institutions.

“By seven hours things were pretty tense and people began tentatively making eye contact.

“What else are you supposed to do when you can no longer access Owen Jones’ Twitter feed?”

Minister for No Deal, Michael Gove, added, “In light of these failings, Britain needs to review its relationship with electricity and seek to form partnerships with alternative sources of power such as a can-do attitude or telekinesis.”