Monday 29 July 2019 by Gary Stanton

God finally admits responsibility for creating all blokes called Steve


God created all the Steves

Men called Steve in gay relationships or otherwise, can breathe a sigh of relief this morning after God claimed responsibility for them.

The supreme deity had been extremely reluctant to admit to his handiwork in creating the world’s Steves, most of whom are employed as roadies for indie bands.

But after yet more homophobic abuse was dished out at a Gay Pride event in Walthamstow during which it was loudly claimed that God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, the all-powerful one decided to make a stand.

“Yes, Steve – all the Steves – that was me,” God told us via a stone tablet delivered to the palatial NewsThump offices in Reading during a particularly violent thunderstorm.

“If you’re wondering why some of them turned out a bit shit, it’s because I did them on the sixth day after I commanded the earth to bring forth living creatures.

“I did them shortly after the Garys – Lineker and Bushell – and they were my attempt at a spot of multi-tasking while I was putting the finishing touches to the digestive system of the nematode worms.

“Behold my children, were you not aware of the divine hand behind a forty-yard pass by the one who goes by the name of Steven Gerard?”

The supreme ruler of the cosmos also later confirmed he was behind some of the more successful Steves such as Coogan, Albini and ‘Wright in the Afternoon’.

He added, “The posse, however, was not my idea. I am having fuck all to do with that.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: