Monday 29 July 2019 by Chris Ballard

Parents ostracised for handing out sub-standard party bags at child’s birthday


family did rubbish birthday bags

A couple has been cast out of their social circle because the party bags at their son’s birthday were deemed to be a bit shit.

Simon and Karen Williams had been planning Toby’s 7th birthday party for months. A major element of the preparations was obviously the all-important party bag.

“I thought they were pretty good,” said a tearful Simon.

“There were Haribos, little plastic snakes, some bubbles and a bouncy ball.

“Plus everyone got a book – a fucking book! What do these people want?!”

A mother of one of the guests talked through the party bag inadequacies.

“Jesus Christ. That party was two hours out of my life and at the end we get rewarded with a bag of crap? Unacceptable!

“My darling Araminta was so disappointed, I’ve only just managed to calm her down.

“Firstly, the bag was plastic rather than hemp. No, really!

“Secondly, I’m pretty sure those were Poundland Haribos, not the proper Waitrose Haribos.

“Thirdly, the toys wouldn’t have entertained my Dalmatians let alone my daughter who can already do basic algebra.

“As for the books, they were obviously three for a fiver in The Works and as far as I could tell in no way aligned with the primary school English syllabus.

“The one we got was called, ‘The Boy Who Could Make People Poo Themselves At Will.’ I mean, for God’s sake…

“That’s basically the end of the Williams family around here. They might be able to try again by moving to a new town. Somewhere where standards are lower.

“Wales, perhaps.”

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