Shock as Number 10 refused to give details of National Security matters to incompetent, duplicitous, unrepentant, lying, cheating buffoon

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The nation has been left shocked that the Prime Minister and her staff at number 10 chose not to give details of matters of National Security to an incompetent, duplicitous, lying, cheating buffoon.

The Buffoon, named only as ‘B’ within briefing papers – probably short for ‘Bellend’ – had national security information restricted from his view, despite being Foreign Secretary at the time, for no obvious reasons that we can see, other than him being is completely untrustworthy.

Anonymous MI6 head honcho, Simon Williams, said, “We advised Number 10 that perhaps an unrepentant liar, despicable cheat, deliberately duplicitous man who not only tried to get a journalist beaten up, but has also in the past been friends with notorious blabbermouth Michael Gove, may possibly not be the best person with which to share important matters of National Security.

“Number Ten discussed this at great length, and for a long while, we feared they might ignore our advice. After all, their boss – only known as ‘T’ – actually put this idiot in a position to see this information in the first place, in an ultimately failed attempt to win the backing of her party.

“But thankfully, on balance, it was decided that we shouldn’t tell someone who is – at the very best, economical with the truth, and, at the worst, someone who would just tell Putin the nuclear codes cos he doesn’t seem that bad – things like where all our undercover spies are located.

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“Much better to keep him in the dark. Just like his lovers do.”