Not a single person wearing a Joy Division T-shirt has ever listened to Joy Division, finds new study

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A recent study by the University of Croydon’s musicology department has given truth to the popular belief that wearing a top emblazoned with the cover of Joy Division’s 1979 Unknown Pleasures album was a sure sign that you had no fucking clue what it meant.

Professor Simone Williams, who conducted the research, explained that her own children were the catalyst to undertake the study.

“My youngest bought a hoodie with the famous soundwaves design and was appalled that I instantly recognized it. The poor dear thought she shopped at the same place as her mother. It was only then that I discovered everyone under 30 thinks it was a brand launched by hipsters on Instagram.”

Pr. Williams explained that the 100% ratio of T-shirt wearers to people with musical knowledge was not as odd as it first seemed.

She went on, “What’s happening is that once they get curious and look it up, they instantly stop wearing the clothes. You can see why. One minute you’re wearing what you think is a clever tribute to the universality of music, but once you’ve googled it you quickly realise you’re wearing something named after a sexual slavery unit in Nazi concentration camps that depressed Mancunians thought was a clever name for a band.

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“That or they make the mistake of listening to the music. Those who appreciate music of that period are the hardest hit. Imagine blissfully thinking the late seventies were all about great bands like Blondie or Madness. And then you hear Love Will Tear Us Apart.

“We’re lucky they don’t burn down the house by setting fire to their tops on the spot.”