Jeremy Corbyn’s life is thought to be hanging in the balance after rumours that he is unable to run a marathon in under two hours thirty.
As speculation mounted over his health, Corbyn was seen to shun his recommended exercise allowance and opted to feebly walk to his car unaided after locking his wife in the porch.
The Labour leader’s no-show was in stark contrast to the likes of Hunt, Gove and Johnson, who completed their morning jogging-through-London-like-a-twat routines.
Meanwhile, doubts were raised over Corbyn’s memory after he allowed friend-of-the-Jews, Chris Williamson, back into the party just months after he was expelled for unequivocally backing the right of Jews to exist in some form or other.
Earlier today, party officials confirmed that Corbyn has been receiving treatment at London’s Moorfields clinic for weakness in his Brexit stance.
And several reports referred to Corbyn as being constantly propped up by Unite leader, Len McCluskey, who is no relation to the singer of OMD.
Labour spokesman, Simon Williams, said, “These rumours started when Jeremy was spotted receiving leisurely mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Diane Abbott while in an upright position.
“However, his health was never in question and he is ready to take the fight to the Tories by agreeing with them on the outstanding issues of the day.”