Monday 1 July 2019 by Neil Tollfree

World queuing championship ruined by Tennis


Wimbledon Queuing championships

Once again, the World queuing championship at Wimbledon has been invaded by a number of non-queuers playing tennis in the Queuing Championship grounds.

“It is frustrating,” said champion queuer Simon Williams.

“People come from all around the world to West London to queue, it’s not fair that the experience and competition should be ruined by these idiots in sweatbands who insist on bashing their balls all over the place.”

The biggest problem for the organisers is the blue ribbon event, the Endurance Queue.

“It’s the big one, the best queuers in the world arrive in a field on Sunday and queue, sometimes for over a day.

“The problem is that the prize for those with the endurance to reach the front of the queue is a nice sit-down.

“Unfortunately, the scourge of tennis raises his head, and invariably the nice sit down is ruined by these guerrilla tennis players who just lie in wait for the queue winners and as soon as the nice sit down begins, they start playing and running around all over the place.”

There are numerous queuing events at the fortnight-long queuing championships, other than the Endurance queue. There are several shorter – but still arduous – queuing events with prizes of some strawberries, or the right to use an ATM. One late day medium-length queue queuing contest has the prize of using public transport to get home.

By far the most popular queueing contest remains the ‘busting-for-it’ queue, which rewards the winners with the well-earned prize of the use of a toilet.

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