Thursday 13 June 2019 by Arabin Patson

New trend for realism in Instagram sees influencers posting images of themselves taking a painful shit


instagram toilet

The picture sharing website Instagram is fighting back against accusations it encourages unrealistic and superficial outlooks on life, by getting its top influencers to upload unfiltered pictures of themselves enduring the kind of horrendous crap that comes from an addiction to fad diets.

The trending #PorcelainPebbledash hashtag is believed to be a reaction to the recent uproar over Instagrammers taking denuded photos in Chernobyl. This latest peak in tasteless narcissism added fuel to the idea that Instagram was responsible for an increase in eating disorders, deadly accidents by vacuous people seeking the perfect shot and countless beauty spots being invaded by easily-influenced idiots.

Popular Instagram star @NatureGirlCroydon, real name Simone Williams, accidentally became a pioneer of the new fashion when her husband/photographer uploaded an image of her taking a shit so fetid their cat has since refused to come back indoors.

She explained. “It’s hard to find a USP these days. I tried going to war memorials wearing a translucent white dress and holding a single white rose but the park wardens got angry. But I think now I’ve found a lifestyle niche.

“Since I live off Kombucha and craft gin I spend at least one hour each day sputtering burning droplets of shit while trying to ignore that my loo now permanently smells like turpentine and rotting shellfish.”

Ms Williams admitted she was initially angry with her partner but now appreciates the success it brought her.

“As it turns out, it was the key to my breakthrough. I now have a great sponsorship deal from a company that makes Aloe Vera wipes. Tell all your readers they can follow me by searching for #GushingAcid #SoPutrid and #Blessed.”

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