Thursday 13 June 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Andrea Leadsom pledges return of 1542 Witchcraft Act


Andrea Leadsom leadership challenge

Leadership hopeful Andrea Leadsom has set out her plans to return to the traditions of Great Britain’s past by pledging to reintroduce the 1542 Witchcraft Act.

With a record of voting against gay rights and naked hostility to Europe, plans to reintroduce the 1542 Witchcraft act would indicate that Leadsom is seeking to appeal to the Tory Party members who believe everything was better in the past and the abolition of the workhouse was when everything started to go wrong for the country.

The Witchcraft Act would be one of the first pieces of business for a Leadsom premiership and will criminalise ‘Invovacons or conjuracons of Sprites witchecraftes or sorceries.’

Mrs Leadsom was quick to deny claims that the criminalisation of witchcraft, like suppression of gay rights and hostility to Europe were archaic nonsenses that should be consigned to the history books.

“Rubbish,” she said, interrupting her dinner of Frumenty and Lamphreys.

“I just believe that we are living in uncertain times, and I want to be clear that we will not tolerate the lower orders using devilments and wickedness in order to gain an advantage over hard-working families simply trying to make the best of things.”

Ms Leadsom refused to deny claims that she plans to bring a Witchfinder General into her cabinet, and that the burning of convicted witches at the stake would become commonplace in towns around the country.

“It is something that is being looked into,” she confirmed.

“I haven’t made any decision yet but, frankly, it does sound rather fun.”

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