Thursday 23 May 2019 by Gary Stanton

Prick insists on taking his own f*cking biro into the polling booth


Man takes pen into ballot booth

A fucking arsehole is guarding against electoral irregularities by taking his own biro to the polling booth.

Registered tosser, Simon Williams, 58, refuses to trust “the pencils they give you”, believing the graphite “X” he will mark next to the Brexit Party candidate could be scrubbed out by libtard remoaner sympathisers.

Williams said, “The local polling station is full of Marxists and bearded homosexuals who can’t be trusted with pencil votes because of their illness.

“Look at socialist countries like Venezuela and Nicaragua – they all use pencils because they can’t afford proper pens. Do we want to go down the hyperinflation and illegal gay sex route?”

Williams insists the standard-issue stubby black pencils available throughout the nation’s polling booths represent an infection risk and believes he contracted Hepatitis C while voting to leave the EU.

He continued, “Priced at eighty pounds; the Parker Urban is an excellent mid-range fountain pen which supplies a steady stream of indelible ink to ensure the will of the people is not subverted by a group of liberal jihadi-lovers.”

He added, “I just need to figure out how to get the cap off.”

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