Thursday 23 May 2019 by Chris Ballard

Stubborn stains to be renamed ‘Theresa Mays’


Stains to be renamed Theresa Mays

Unwanted stains that are impossible to get rid of are henceforth to be known as Theresa Mays.

The Prime Minister is refusing to resign despite almost no members of her party wanting her to be leader thanks to her phenomenal levels of incompetence. This has led to a new slang term being coined for stains which simply refuse to go away no matter what you do to them.

Keen observer of popular buzzwords Simon Williams said, “Everyone seems to be saying it.

“I picked my son up from nursery and his key worker apologised for the grass stains on his trousers by saying, ‘He’s been enjoying the garden today but I’m afraid he’s got a couple of Theresa Mays on his knees.’

“Then we had some friends over for dinner and I managed to spill some red wine on our rug. My mate Paul instantly said, ‘Quick! Get some white wine on that or you’ll have a Theresa May on your hands!’

“And this morning when I unloaded the washing machine and my pants still seemed dirty my wife said, ‘Oh, those urine stains are a bit of a Theresa May.’ I don’t understand because I always give it a good shake…”

In a bizarre turn of events, representatives from several leading detergent manufacturers are rumoured to be travelling to Westminster to work with the Tories in an advisory capacity.

However, critics have pointed out that any attempt to use the phrase ‘whiter than white’ in the current Brexit climate would be a PR disaster.

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