Thursday 23 May 2019

Arseholes reminded that milkshaking volunteers instead of politicians makes them look like petulant scumbags


Man throwing milkshake

Dickheads across the country have been reminded that throwing milkshakes over volunteers because they don’t like the colour of their rosette makes them look like childish cunts.

As an elderly former serviceman was the victim of a milkshaking outside a polling station because someone took offence at his Brexit Party rosette, sane Remain voters everywhere have told the perpetrator, “don’t be a fucking twat”.

Remain voter Simon Williams told us, “I think the Brexit Party is nothing more than a vanity project for Nigel Farage and another attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of the more gullible voters out there – but that’s on Nigel Farage, not the normal people he’s convinced to volunteer for him.

“This country has a long tradition of throwing food at public figures, it’s an act designed to humiliate powerful people, not physically harm them. It’s milkshakes today, but it’s been rotten fruit, custard pies and all sorts over the years.

“BUT – and this is important – a volunteer outside a polling station is not a public figure. So don’t do it, you utter fucking bellend.

“You can disagree with the volunteers from other parties, even engage in a robust debate if you want to, but the moment you pull out a milkshake to throw at someone who isn’t a public figure, you lose the support of just about every voter, regardless of who they support.

“It’s also worth bearing in mind that throwing a milkshake at anyone is illegal, and likely to see you charged with assault.

“It could also be very funny, yes, but only if the target is a public figure associated with extremist political views or a track record of stirring up hatred against minorities.

“Hope that clears it up for any potential twats out there.”

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