Online retailer Zavvi has been forced to apologise after informing thousands of customers that they had won a royal baby in a competition.
Customers were told that they were winners of a prize draw that included their very own royal baby called Archie who would be the subject of intense media focus throughout his early years, before going on to one day open factories and be in the army and stuff.
Among the disappointed recipients of the email was Simon Williams, a fast food restaurant employee from Slough.
“I couldn’t believe it,” he explained.
“My girlfriend has always wanted a royal baby, so the minute I saw the email I phoned her up and told her to book some maternity leave from work.
“Imagine how embarrassed I felt when I found out that it was all a load of old bollocks.”
Zavvi confirmed that the email should only have gone out to one winner.
“We would like to apologise unreservedly for this almighty cock-up,” said a spokesperson.
“We only have one royal baby to give away, obviously. Not thousands.”
Bernice Onions from Barking also received the email.
“I’ve had a pretty bad run of things in the last few years,” she said, “so I was over the moon when I thought I’d won.
“I was really looking forward to taking the rest of my life off work and having a small crowd of strange people in Union Jack waistcoats hanging around outside my house and waving flags at me whenever I walked past.
“Zavvi should really do the decent thing and pay for us all to have our own royal baby.”