Scientists finally uncover mystery ‘other planet’ inhabited by the Daily Mail
Scientists have revealed they might have finally answered the questions, “What planet is the Daily Mail on?”
A&E department celebrates treating one-millionth man with foreign object stuck up his arse
Staff at an Accident and Emergency Department in Swansea were cracking open the champagne yesterday after treating their one-millionth man with a foreign object stuck up his jacksie.
Nigel Farage spending 77th anniversary of D-Day reminiscing about the time he addressed a far-right rally in Germany
Today, British citizens across the country will be remembering the D-Day landings on their 77th anniversary, including Nigel Farage who spoke at a German rally for far-right political party AfD just a few short years ago.
‘You have nothing to fear from a no-deal Brexit’ insist nation’s millionaires and billionaires
Britain’s millionaires and billionaires have very kindly taken time out of their busy schedules to reassure peasants throughout the country that there is nothing to fear from Britain leaving the EU without a deal.
Trump administration moves to abolish women
The American government confirmed today that it intends to abolish women as it believes that they are responsible for all the evils of the world.
A&E department celebrates treating one-millionth man with foreign object stuck up his arse
Staff at an Accident and Emergency Department in Swansea were cracking open the champagne yesterday after treating their one-millionth man with a foreign object stuck up his jacksie.
Slaves wondering how they might get themselves some of this ‘€100k a year for not doing any work’ style slavery
Slaves have been left wondering how they might go about becoming enslaved in a situation where they get paid €100k a year and don’t even have to turn up for work.
Summer officially begins as The Sun runs its annual ‘Shark spotted off coast of Cornwall’ story
GREAT NEWS! It’s time to break out the beach towels and tanning lotion as The Sun has OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED SUMMER by running its annual “A Great White Shark Has Been Spotted Off The Coast Of Cornwall” story.
Nigel Farage spending 75th anniversary of D-Day reminiscing about the time he addressed a far-right rally in Germany
Today, British citizens across the country will be commemorating the 75th anniversary of the D-Day landings, including Nigel Farage who recently spoke at a German rally for far-right political party AfD.
Scientists finally identify mystery ‘other planet’ inhabited by the Daily Mail
Scientists have revealed they might have finally answered the questions, “What planet is the Daily Mail on?”
Boris Johnson promises an extra £350m a week for the NHS if elected Tory leader
Boris Johnson, MP for Uxbridge and South Ruislip and former comedy Foreign Secretary, has launched his bid for the Conservative Party leadership by pledging to boost NHS funding by £350 million a week if he wins.
Zavvi mistakenly informs thousands of customers that they have won a royal baby
Online retailer Zavvi has been forced to apologise after informing thousands of customers that they had won a royal baby in a competition.
Kim Jong-un has already spotted all of the Easter Eggs in Avengers: Endgame, insists North Korea
The Korean Central News Agency, the official news agency of North Korea, issued a statement today claiming that the country’s Supreme Leader, Kim Jong Un, has already spotted all the Easter Eggs in the brand new Marvel movie, Avengers: Endgame.
Parliament’s summer recess to be officially renamed ‘Sensible Season’
Parliament’s summer recess is to be renamed Sensible Season, given it will be a six-week period completely devoid of political nonsense.
Welshmen celebrating St David’s Day by dressing up as Scotsmen
Throughout Wales today, thousands of proud Welshmen will be celebrating their national identity by dressing up as Scotsmen.
We just got sick and tired of enjoying our lives, say young couple who are starting a family
An apparently happy young couple from Colwyn Bay in north Wales have shocked friends, relatives and colleagues by announcing that they are starting a family.
Brexit Secretary ordered to surrender cloak of invisibility
The Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, the Right Honourable Stephen Barclay MP, has been ordered by the Prime Minister, Theresa May, to surrender his government-issue Cloak of Invisibility and get back to work.
Vegans tired of non-vegans always banging on about vegans always banging on about being vegans
Vegans simply can’t help banging on about the fact that they are vegan, according to non-vegans who keep banging on about it.
