Manchester United to feed more successful teams’ cats during European finals

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Manchester United are to feed the cats while Arsenal, Tottenham, Liverpool and Chelsea are all away playing in some important football matches.

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s side has enjoyed an abysmal run of form in the last few months which has seen his team crash out of the Champions League, the FA Cup and the race for a top-four spot in the Premier League – but this doesn’t mean the season has ended, with much important work still to be done.

“Anyway, Tiddles here likes the chicken flavoured stuff,” said Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp, still hungover from his side’s historic comeback victory over Barcelona on Tuesday evening.

“So if Anthony Martial or someone can make sure to feed him twice a day, and make sure he doesn’t shit in the fish tank, that would be super. He’s not a fan of strangers, so make sure you wear red. Ours, not yours.”

Eden Hazard added, “Yeah if one of Ole’s lot could pop round and stick some biscuits in Captain Fluffster’s bowl, I’d really appreciate that.

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“Maybe Luke Shaw? He looks like he’s good with pets. I’ll give him a signed program from the UEFA Cup Final I’ll be competing in or something.”

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer himself told reporters, “This is absolutely disgraceful. How can they do this to someone like me, a representative of the greatest club in the world, Manchester United?

“Three quid for one tin of kitten food? Harry Kane’s tabby cat will have to make do with the Tesco value stuff and like it.”