Friday 5 April 2019 by Arabin Patson

Study finds speaking with your arms folded increases your chances of sounding like a twat by 70%


arms folded

During an attempt to discover why the people who speak with their arms folded in front of them always come off as spiteful morons, a pioneering study by the University of Croydon has confirmed the often-suspected link with the pose and imbecilic hostile statements.

The pose – historically made popular by local newspapers covering boundary disputes or the theft of Christmas presents – has recently become linked to resentful leave voters in seaside towns participating in a vox pop.

Professor Amanda Tinnock, of the department of psycho-linguistics, explained that, although the study confirmed the belief that folded arms mean someone is trying to disguise the wafer-thin premise of their idiotic positions, there was much left undiscovered.

She went on, “We quickly proved that people who try and justify their beliefs while keeping their arms folded were in fact quite aware they were talking shit, but just too childishly proud to admit it.

“But we are still left with a fascinating chicken and egg situation. What came first? The pose or the bullshit?”

Professor Tinnock explained that media techniques were often responsible for the perception that arm-folders were arrogant dimwits.

“One problem we had was the self-selecting nature of people who participate in political vox pops by lazy journalists sent to shit towns by their editors.

“Just how much brilliance can you expect from someone loafing around outside the butchers in Eastbourne on a Tuesday afternoon?”

Professor Tinnock’s findings were disputed by the daytime patrons of the King’s Arms in Hastings.

Pub regular and UKIP member Simon William illustrated this position by folding his arms and explaining that academics were just elitist bookworms who knew nothing of real life.

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