A stream of raw, untreated effluent which stalled parliamentary business yesterday has been traced to Mark Francois’ mouth, it has emerged.
The sewage, which prevented MPs talking about important things, had apparently been spilling forth for some time but only reached the point of being unbearable in the last 24 hours.
MPs first noticed the problem several weeks ago when Francois claimed that some time in the Territorial Army thirty years ago made him ideally qualified for international negotiations, but since then ‘the trickle has become a flood’.
”At first we could live with it,”, said MP Simon Williams. “Westminster is an old building and you learn to live with some outdated fixtures and blockages in the system.
“But yesterday it turned into an endless torrent of half-digested ideas, flatulent parping noises and bits of sweetcorn.
“I’m sure Mark was really cutting edge when he was installed in the house, but with the best will in the world that was a long time ago and he needs substantial renovation or even a complete refit before he stinks the whole place out.
“It’s nice the country has these relics to help us remember the past, but having to wade through a flood of his excretions just to get to work in the morning is wearing thin.”