Brunei implements ‘stoning to death’ for gay sex after furious Sultan’s unsuccessful stint on Grindr

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Brunei is introducing strict new Islamic laws that make anal sex and adultery offences punishable by stoning to death, after the Sultan’s unsuccessful attempts to hook-up using Grindr.

Despite outrage across the global community, the Sultan insisted they had no choice but to implement the new laws after he was unable to find some local bum-fun on the gay hook-up app.

“If I’m not getting any hot man-action, then no-one else is either,” he is reported to have told those close to him.

Despite widespread surprise that he was unable to find a date on Grindr, many have insisted that maybe coming out of the closet might make him a little less self-loathing.

As one Brunei gay man told us, “There is nothing wrong with being gay in 2019, even if you’re an incredibly rich Sultan in an Islamic country. I mean, the goatee is a dead give-away. He’s not fooling anyone.

“He should just come out, be proud about it and get on with his life.

“I mean, he probably needs to step up his Grindr game – I ignored all of his advances, but only because I think there’s a limit to how forward even a gay man should be.

“Plus, I’d tell him there’s no point lying in your Grindr profile – we all know who you are, and we know you’re not 39 and that those torso shots aren’t really yours.”

When pushed for comment a spokesperson for the Sultan said gays were horrible and that he has done it with lots of girls.