Brunei implements ‘stoning to death’ for gay sex after furious Sultan’s unsuccessful stint on Grindr

Brunei is introducing strict new Islamic laws that make anal sex and adultery offences punishable by stoning to death, after the Sultan’s unsuccessful attempts to hook-up using Grindr.

Despite outrage across the global community, the Sultan insisted they had no choice but to implement the new laws after he was unable to find some local bum-fun on the gay hook-up app.

“If I’m not getting any hot man-action, then no-one else is either,” he is reported to have told those close to him.

Despite widespread surprise that he was unable to find a date on Grindr, many have insisted that maybe coming out of the closet might make him a little less self-loathing.

As one Brunei gay man told us, “There is nothing wrong with being gay in 2019, even if you’re an incredibly rich Sultan in an Islamic country. I mean, the goatee is a dead give-away. He’s not fooling anyone.

“He should just come out, be proud about it and get on with his life.

“I mean, he probably needs to step up his Grindr game – I ignored all of his advances, but only because I think there’s a limit to how forward even a gay man should be.

“Plus, I’d tell him there’s no point lying in your Grindr profile – we all know who you are, and we know you’re not 39 and that those torso shots aren’t really yours.”

When pushed for comment a spokesperson for the Sultan said gays were horrible and that he has done it with lots of girls.

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