Theresa May asks Parliament to vote on the word “Agreement”

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As part of a new strategy to break up the contentious elements of the Brexit withdrawal process, the government has tried to build a national consensus around the first word of the withdrawal deal.

Downing Street is pinning its hope on this well-known tactic of finding common ground over small things, such as the first word of the deal. The strategy was presented to the press by Number 10’s press spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“What’s wrong with ‘agreement?’ It’s a lovely word. Very useful if you think about it. How could you not like it? Let’s forget for a moment about costs and borders and trade and just focus for a moment on the first word. Then we can vote on ‘on’, one of the nation’s favourite prepositions. Admittedly this leads up to withdrawal which will raise a fuss, but slowly slowly catchy monkey.”

Mr Williams refused to speculate on how long it would take for the 56,000 votes necessary just to get the first part of the deal.

However, the tactic looked set to fail as Jeremy Corbyn declared Labour could not countenance a term that is clearly for the few not the many and did nothing to solve the problems of people in Morecambe such as bus routes.

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In a further blow, the DUP also refused to support the government out of fear “agreement” was part of the homosexual agenda.