Friday 29 March 2019 by Pete Redfern

“F**k knows, we’re past caring, it’s like the living dead in here” revealed as new Conservative Party slogan


New Conservative party slogan revealed

The Conservative Party have announced a new slogan for their party as the country lumbers closer to Brexit.

The political party, which is currently tearing itself apart like a dozen coked-up racoons in a tumble dryer, have replaced their former slogan of ‘Building a country that works for everyone’ with the far more apt and accurate ‘F**k knows, we’re past caring, it’s like the living dead in here’.

Conservative cabinet member Simon Williams explained, “Following extensive meetings with our PR consultants, we have reluctantly come to the conclusion that perhaps we should start to integrate this new thing called ‘honesty’ into our slogans.

“That itself is a massive change for us, as everyone knows that when we used to pledge to ‘build a country for everyone’ that most people would understand that we meant ‘build a country to benefit everyone – that went to Eton’.

“But we can’t hide this shitshow any longer. It IS like the living dead in here, with Theresa May staggering around moaning ‘deeeal, deeeal, giiiive meee aaaa deeeal’ and everyone frantically trying to save their own arses.”

He concluded, “We just hope that changing our slogan will be enough for us to win the inevitable general election in two month’s time.”

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