Former Prime Minister and swine-botherer David Cameron is spending yet another carefree day chilling out in his garden, according to reports.
Over the last two years, the former Tory leader and inadvertent destroyer of our nation has been having to make the difficult daily decision between whether to spend the day ignoring the news inside his house or ignoring the news outside his house, in either his garden or his boutique writing hut.
“Today’s definitely an ‘ignoring Brexit in the garden’ sort of day,” he told one of his neighbours in the Cotswolds this morning.
“The sun’s peeping out from the clouds, and from my patio I can enjoy a fine view of England’s green and pleasant land that I in no way ripped in half with a hugely divisive referendum and then walked away from nearly three years ago.”
He continued, “I haven’t actually looked at a newspaper or turned on the TV since I strolled out of Number Ten Downing Street, but I assume the whole process has gone swimmingly under the wise leadership of Theresa May, and that I succeeded in my aim to unite the Conservative Party.
“Now if you’ll excuse me there is a farmer’s market this afternoon that I simply must get to.