Thursday 28 March 2019 by Davywavy and H

Cambridge withdraws visiting fellowship given to Kermit the Frog


Kermit the Frog

In a move which has sparked widespread controversy, Cambridge University has announced its intention to withdraw a visiting fellowship given to Kermit the Frog, who had been scheduled to visit the prestigious university later this year.

Professor Simon Williams, head of the Cambridge Department of Amphibious Studies, explained.

“Naturally we’re aware that Mr Frog is a well-known frog and public intellectual,” he told us. “Originally, we invited him here on the grounds that he would substantially enhance the academic standing of the University.”

But things turned sour when a damaging snapshot of Kermit “went viral.”

“Someone showed us a picture of Kermit apparently in close friendship with Ebenezer Scrooge,” Professor Williams went on.

“Regrettably, we are aware that Mr Scrooge is a well-known miser and practitioner of the school of extreme capitalism advocated by devotees of Ayn Rand and the alt-right.

“He is also known to have infringed the European Working Time Directive in connection with Mr Cratchett, a former employee.

“Under the circumstances we felt that it was inappropriate to expose our students to someone such as Mr Frog who might be seen, however absurdly, to be endorsing such practices.”

When questioned, Cambridge students last night described their administrative body as “a load of muppets”.

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